I Am Not Resigned

Almost Fifteen

2007-05-27T02:18:42Z

It's the Saturday of memorial weekend...eve of my fifteenth birthday. Tomorrow Mom, Daddy, Brother and I will head down to the City to see The 25th Annual Putnam County Spelling Bee (it's a musical) and eat at the Grand Luxe Cafe. Every year on my birthday, we go see a musical. Last year it was Wicked, and before that The Lion King. Gemma and Annie are fishing in MN this weekend, as they do every Memorial Day Weekend, so I probably won't do anything with my friends until summer.
I went to see PoTC 3 last night with Faye and Alice. Faye and I loved it, but Alice, the smartest of the group, didn't understand what was going on. Oh well...maybe we'll go see it again. Faye and I certainly wouldn't mind. James just left. He came over and we watched Forrest Gump on TBS. I cried; I always do. Basically, I cry through the whole movie and by the time that feather is floating away for good I have makeup all over my face. James is good company though. I love him...he is like a brother to me, and has been for as long as I can remember. Speaking of which, Brother wandered in and out throughout the movie, looking bored. He's grounded from his PS2 and PSP because, to make a long story short, he and his little friends are out of control. Mom and Daddy, exhausted, went out to dinner to "escape" us. No matter what one or the other does, they always glom us together as one collective person. Don't get me wrong; Brother is not a bad kid. He's not a bully, and he's smart. But he's always been "the funny one" in our family, and with his friends (some of whom I am not to fond of), and so lately he's been a little...sassy. He smarts off all the time to our parents and argues about everything. It can be irksome, but mostly I just miss spending time with him. I get the feeling that Brother is avoiding me. Don't know why; guess I'm just not cool enough. Ha ha ha...
Tomorrow's the day,
Lucie

Falling Apart

2007-05-19T15:35:24Z

Well, much has happened in my isolated little world since I last wrote in. Gemma and Will "broke up" (for lack of a better word) and "got back together" (ditto). I wasn't upset. Even if Gem really did stop liking him, I could never ask him out myself.
Mostly, I'm exhausted. High School Musical opens today, in 4 hours. Last night was our dress rehearsal, which was a disaster. The four leads (Will, Garlen, Matt, and myself) and a couple of the kids with supporting roles did their best to carry the show, but most of the cast just doesn't care anymore. Missed cues, dropped lines, and bungled dances riddled the run. Our director screamed at us, but did nothing to help. I burst into tears in the girls bathroom after the final bows. I couldn't believe that kids who supposedly wanted to be in the show were ruining it for the few that were actually working hard. Garlen and Grace, who plays Ms. Darbus, did their best to comfort me, but tears were still running down my cheeks when I sat down in the empty green room to take off my layers of stage makeup (yuck!). Will came and gave me a hug. I started bawling again and got mascara all over his costume, but he was very nice about it. Regardless of how I feel about him, or he feels about me (?), we will always be close friends.
Yipee.
Well...wish me luck! Today's the day!

Hoping to break a leg,
Lucie

Butterfly

2007-05-14T00:52:58Z

Today, I stood by my window and looked out at my yard. We have a beautiful lilac bush, right by my window, and I decided that I needed to go out and get some flowers for my room. While I carefully clipped away some of the purple blooms, a butterfly came and landed on one of the branches. It was orange and black and white and had a huge chunk missing out of its left wing. But if flew away, as easily as any other butterfly. I thought it was one of the most inspiring things I had ever seen, so I rushed inside to tell my mother, who was cooking (Happy Mother's Day!) I told her about it, but she didn't even look up.

Mom: Okay, that's nice.
Me: But isn't that so sweet?
Mom: I guess.

She was so dispassionate. I couldn't believe it; I mean, she is an artist. Whatever. I love her very much, but I was disappointed.

Longing to fly away,
Lucie

Cute?

2007-05-06T03:23:49Z

Well, it's been awhile. . .again. I've just been busy. Lame excuse, huh?
Our Town opened and ran. It was one of the best experiences I've ever had. I got some high praise from people I admire-- our director, who is a genius, nominated me for "Best Supporting Actress" for our High School Theater awards. it's an annual formal awards ceremony; our director nominates students and fellow drama kids vote in the categories. I don't care if I get it. I'm only a frosh, and all the other nominees are seniors. They deserve it more.
I've been hanging our with James alot, as usual. We just get along so well, it's almost habitual. I think that I'll never be a dried up old maid, because in the event that I never fall in love (oh please God, no) I'll have James.
I can picture what that would be like:

Me: You wanna get married?
James: *Shrugs* Okay.

I asked him to Turnabout this year because I didn't want to ask anyone else, and I knew he would say yes. I'm a coward, I know it.
Will and Gemma haven't gone anywhere in their relationship. She is pissed at him for not "making a move". I know I must seem like I'm obsessing over them; I suppose I am. And I have a sneaking suspicion as to why...
Today at High School Musical practice, the boy who plays Ryan and I were struggling with our tango number. the woman directing/choreographing the show is a nightmare. Anyway, we were tripping over each other and making complete fools of ourselves in front of the whole cast; of course, Will was making a video of it on his cell. I saw it and was totally embarrassed, so I threatened to destroy his phone.

Will: Maybe I'll send it to everyone I know..
Me: No, no! Please delete it. Please! Will!
Will: Hmm...
Me: *Kneeling* I'm on my knees-- please please delete the video.
Will: Okay. *Deletes it* But I'm keeping the pictures.
Me: Fine. They don't look too awful.
Will: *Flipping through them* Actually, you look pretty cute.

Whoah! That was out of the blue. At first I thought he was teasing me, but he was totally serious. I didn't know what to say, so I just mumbled a "Thank you, that's very sweet" and all but ran away. I mean, he's practically with Gemma! She adores him, most of the time. But what if he likes me? Do I like him? I didn't think that I did...but now I don't know. He's really handsome and stuff but I would never make a move. Still, it did make me happy when he called me cute.

Lucie

luciegirl @ 2007-04-19T19:51:00

2007-04-20T00:54:57Z

I just discovered the imcomparable musical "Spring Awakening." It. Is. AMAZING. All I've been doing in my free time for the past few days is singing the songs, especially "Mama Who Bore Me", "I Don't Do Sadness/ Blue Winds", and "The Bitch of Living". If I could play one character, it would be Wendla. Oh, how I hope it comes to Chicago!

So I'm happy. . .

But on the other hand, it is a really sad musical. So now I feel all strage and bipolar.

Meh,
Lucie

It's been a couple days, huh?

2007-04-14T03:08:37Z

Haven't written in a few days. Nothing much to say. Rehearsal are making my life insane. Tomorrow I have six hours of rehearsal-- "Our Town" and "High School Musical". Also, I'm going to see Will's play. Gemma decided last minute that she's coming too. She doesn't realize that he's completely, head-over-heels, in love with her. I get the idea that Gem really likes him, but is, perhaps, a little bored of poor Will. I talked to James about this, and he agreed, of course. James is the agreeing type. We have been friends since we were three, an impossibly long time. I love him to death, but "not in that way". I don't have a boyfriend. I don't even "like" anyone right now.
Gem is sooooo lucky. Will treats her like a princess! Am I jealous?
No.
Well. . .
Maybe a little.

User Pictures

2007-04-11T20:02:07Z

School was canceled because of massive amounts of snow and power outages, so I spent some time making new User Pictures for myself:

God bless Photoshop!

I hate Tuesday

2007-04-11T00:48:18Z

Not much to report today. Rehearsal was long, and I slipped off the ladder and cut my hand. Not too deep, but enough to draw blood. I couldn't sing much in choir today, because I have a wretchedly sore throat. Oh yeah, there's more Gemma/Will drama, but honestly I'm just to tired to write anything more at the moment. I'll post a nice long entry tomorrow. Right now, all I want to do is make a huge kettle of lemon tea and curl up with my sewing and "Pride and Prejudice" on audio book.

*Cough*
Lucie

Back to the Old Grind

2007-04-09T22:44:08Z

Monday, April 9th

I went back to school today. Woo-hoo, fun! Not. Urgh, I'm just so fed up with everything at school, except for "Our Town". I love it sooo much! The upper classmen are very talented, and just watching them is fun, although my part isn't too shabby either. I play Rebecca, the main character's precocious little sister. Our director keeps adding on to my part, too. Now I get to hold the baby during the funeral. My favorite scene is the breakfast one. I love working with Molly, who plays my mother, Mrs. Gibbs. She is actually dating the boy who plays Dr. Gibbs-- they are unbelievably adorable. We got our shirt order forms today. The shirts will be gray with black, nothing too exciting. Still, it is my inaugural theater production at my high school, and I intend to make the most of it. Everyone gets inside jokes printed on the back, so mine will say "Gustav". (It's a long story, I'll write it later.) I guess that's about it for today. God, why must my entries be so pedestrian??? Why can't anything exciting ever happen to me?

Be careful what you wish for, I guess.

Pedestrian-ly yours,
Lucie

Wizard of Oz

2007-04-08T23:22:49Z

I know I said I wouldn't write any more today, but I am so happy because the man who runs the theater company I do plays at just confirmed that I have a position helping out with the younger students' version of "The Wizard of Oz" this summer. I have ~~a really good job~~ the best job in the world! This way, even if I don't make any plays this summer, I will have something to keep me busy and entertained. Plus, cash. ;-)

Happy Easter!

2007-04-08T19:23:17Z

Happy Easter! We celebrated the way we always do, first going to the 9:00 mass at my church (We're Catholic) and then spending Easter with my family. Next Easter will be the fiftieth year we've spent together as a family, although, obviously, I've only been present at fourteen of those years. It was fun, but noisy, because Carrie, the family baby, was in a squabbley mood. She is almost two years old. Seamus, who is four, bumped his head and raised a lump the size of a golf ball, but other than that, the day was uneventful. We enjoyed a brunch of potatoes, ham, and fruit. I chatted with my oldest cousin, Meggie, who is 16, and my grandparents and aunts and uncles. Aunt Christy was very tired and a little sick. No wonder, she's got four children ages five and under. I am so exhausted now, all I want to do is watch my TiVo'd shows. More tomorrow

Christ is risen!
Lucie

luciegirl @ 2007-04-07T16:35:00

2007-04-07T21:50:11Z

I just got back from High School Musical rehearsal, so I am in a pretty good mood. My director got knocked up, apparently. She just told us today even though she's like four months into it, probably because she's not married. Whatever, she's kind of a ditz.
Garlen has a bruise underneath her left eye. This is like the third time she's had a bruise on her face this month. Garlen always makes the same excuse:

Me: Hey, Garlen, how did you get that bruise.
Garlen: *Shrugs* I don't know.
Me: *Casually* What do you mean you don't know.
Garlen: I don't know.

She's not stupid her dad probably did it. Everybody knows that he beat Garlen and her siblings when they were younger. I was there one time, when I was in second grade. Garlen and I were having a sleepover, and her little sister, who was in preschool back then, would leave us alone. It was no big deal, you know, just little kid stuff. Garlen told her mom and her mom made her little sister leave us. Then I heard the screams. Garlen's little sister was screaming! I was scared but Garlen said not to worry. "Dad's punishing [sister's name]. " The next morning at breakfast, we had pancakes. Garlen's little sister leaned forward to grab the syrup, and I say these long red marks across her back.

I told Mom the next day; I never went to Garlen's house for a sleepover again. But I didn't think that Garlen's dad did that anymore, until Annie told me that Garlen had mentioned her dad throwing a full soda can at her. I can't even talk about it anymore; it makes me feel sick to my stomach. My dad always talks to Brother and I when he's angry about something. He would never hurt us.

On the bright side, High School Musical is going well. Looks like we're going to sell out tickets when they go one sale next week! The boy who plays "Ryan" and I worked out our coordinating costumes today. Mine is so much fun. I get to wear this totally tacky boa in one scene and I'm going to be covered head to toe in glitter. That is such a far cry from my style too, because I usually wear very tidy, French-inspired outfits. You know, dainty blouses and skirts, and leggings and ballet flats.

Gemma and Annie are up at their lake house, and Fae and Alice are babysitting, so I'm just going to spend the night with my family, watching "The Pursuit of Happyness".

Later,
Lucie

My User Picture

2007-04-07T14:27:34Z

Just thought I write one more little entry to explain my user picture. It is of the last Grand Duchess, Anastasia. Perhaps some of you know her from the Disney movie "Anastasia"; perhaps some of you think she survived the horrible fate that met her parents and siblings. Unfortunately, she did not. There was some debate over it for a while, and it was all very fascinating. But now scientists and historians have come to the conclusion that she did die, when she was around my age.

I'm not Russian, and I have no real ties to Anastasia, but I have always been fascinated by her story (I've done some very in-depth research on it), so I chose her as my user picture.

That's all.
Lucie

My First Entry

2007-04-07T14:11:31Z

Saturday, April 7th

Hey everybody (or nobody, I suppose), welcome to my Live Journal. My name is Lucie. I'm 14 years old and I live in the United States of America.

Wow, I'm tired. I was up waaay late last night! There was a High School Band Jam over at one of the local restaurant/pub/club type places downtown. Gemma, Annie, Garlen, and I went together and Will came and met up with us, or rather, met up with Gemma, later. James had a baseball game, Fae was babysitting, and Alice's parents would let her go. I don't know why. It wasn't like there was any sort of alcohol being served.

The bands were really good. Everybody was dancing, which means jumping up and down in time with the music. The floor was literally shaking!

We got there at like 6:30, which meant that almost no one was there, except for the band memebers and their friends. . .so that was kind of embarassing, but our parents insisted on dropping us off "on time". Will called Gemma around 7 so she left the dance floor to receive the call. When she came back, I asked her what he had called about. "He wanted to know what he should wear!" Gemma said. Those two are toooo cute!

The three of us (Gem, Will, and I) were dancing later that night. Garlen and Annie were off getting drinks. We were in the middle of dancing to this great song when I looked down and there were Gemma and William holding hands! My first thought was "That is sooo cute!" My second one was "Ohmygod! I'm the third weel. Gotta GET OUT OF HERE." I mumbled an excuse and shot of the dance floor. They pretty much held hands for the rest of the night. Why doesn't Will just ask her out???? Gemma completely adores him.

That would kind of piss off Annie, though. I guess I'd better explain those two or none of these entries will make sense. Gemma and Annie are fraternal twins. Gemma is tiny, super skinny, and blonde. Annie is tall, brunette, and. . .well, you know, kind of large. Besides their physical differences, their personalities could not be more different. Gemma gets straight A's. She makes friends easily, she can eat whatever she wants without gaining weight, and she has had several lead and supporting roles in plays and musicals at our school. (Although, when it comes to my group of friends, I definitely the most into drama.) Annie is getting C's and D's. She is very funny and kind, but that overshadowed by the fact that she acts babyish and silly to get people's attention, and although she has tried out for every play Gemma has, she has never made a part. When it comes to their parents, Gemma gets praise, and Annie gets pity. I'm not saying any of this is Gem's fault, because it's not. It just makes things a little difficult.

I had a really great time though. I saw like everybody from school, including some of the younger kids I knew from "Kilroy Was Here" and the older kids I'm in "Our Town" with right now. One of them, the boy who plays my brother, George, was MCing and wanted me to help him introduce one of the bands, but I declined. Everybody from school was there, and my greatest fear is embarrassment.

We left after the last band. As we exited the building we passed a group a teens, probably a little older than us and definitely stoned. "Hey girl, peace, yeah," said one of them, shoving the "rock on" sign in my face.

"Are you high??" Gem snarled, snatching me away.

"Are you high?" The kid retorted feebly, getting many laughs from his stoner buddies.

So that was our night. This morning I woke up and I have no voice whatsoever and my eyes are bloodshot. Yummy. I have rehearsal for "High School Musical" at 12:30. The boy who plays Ryan and I are learning to salsa. Oh yeah, I'm "Sharpay". Will is playing "Troy", and Garlen is playing "Gabriella". The rest of the cast is from other schools.

Well, that was a looong entry. I doubt many of them will be that long.

See you later!
Lucie